Critique this Loser!!!

[lawrence stone]

I am working on a letter to an industrial account I had years ago that I lost when a new idiot in charge (president)and went back to doing the green maint. work in house.

Well over the years this place has deterialted as far as possible.

What follows is my first draft:

Dear Mr. Pucker,

I just wanted to drop you a note reminding you that I can provide for all your grounds maintenance needs. This summer has really taken its toll to the grounds at your location.

For around $9,900.00 per season I can provide for all your lawn, shrub, and tree care needs. That is mowing, thatch removal, aeration, trimming, applying fertilizer, pesticides, landscape mulch, and landscape bed maintenance. All work is of the highest quality using state of the art equipment and materials.

With my large time saving equipment I provide dependable affordable timely service along with the least disruption to your daily operation.

To improve the aesthetical qualities of your grounds please give me a call to discuss your needs. Call to schedule a site visit and for more details of the services I can provide.

Sincerely,

[GrassMaster]

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Hello Mr. Stone:

<b>Cut Me Some Slack Here? This Isn't a Setup is it?</b> [B)]
On Your First Paragraph, I would Add at the End. "I can get your property looking good again" Or Something to that effect?

Second Praragragh, I would Change the $9,900.00 to What You Get Per Month, I don't know if You Use the 10 Month or 12 Month Deal. I think it Would Sound & Look Better, I bet You Use the 10 month deal?

Probably 25% of the People out there Would Never Buy a Car or House if they were Told How Much a Year it Would Cost?

Last But Not Least I would Sign it Differently than "The Frugal Agronomist" LOL, Just kidding, It all Looks Very Good & If You didn't Hear from him in 30 days, I would do a Follow up Phone Call or Something!

[Scott]

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Geez what scrub wrote this? jk
It's just my opinion but I would never tell a customer how bad their yard or facilities look. I would tend to lead them to think on the potential their place has, never be negative. And as far as "time saving equipment" if I was the consumer I wouldn't care how time consuming your stuff was, I would just want the job done w/o damage to my employees cars and existing facilities.

[kutnkru]

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Dear Mr. Pucker,

While driving past your offices the other day I took notice of the landscape and have suggestions on how to enhance the overall appearance. Working together as partners in Total Quality Management we will create an attractive, high quality landscape environment that will have a lasting impression on neighbors, guests, clients, and employees of your organization.

As our client, you benefit by presenting an exterior that is meticulously manicured and professional reflecting your company’s image. We continually update and maintain our equipment to maximize the effectiveness of your program and minimize your investment.

By putting forth the extra effort to provide you with the very best services available, we will bring out your landscapes fullest potential within your pre-determined "budget". This is accomplished through the application of sound business and management practices.

For a minimal investment of $1100.00 monthly, beginning in March and ending in November, I am offering you a complete grounds maintenance package covering all your tree, shrub, landscape, and turf management needs. I look forward to talking with you soon.

Sincerely,

[Scott]

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You might be careful about adding the phrase, "turf management needs". In Florida you cannot put anything but straight fertilizer on turf. I was talking to the head of the local county ext. here and he told me there was this company that was contracted to maintain the Navy facilities here and I assume the guy in charge of the grounds wasn't happy with the quality and took the contract to the local county extention to get it evaluated and now the owner of that company is going to jail. He was applying stuff to the turf that he wasn't licensed too, don't even think he had his "Limited Commercial Maintenance" license.

[kutnkru]

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<blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><b>Originally posted by Scott</b>
<i>...You might be careful about adding the phrase, "turf management needs". ... He was applying stuff to the turf that he wasn't licensed too, ...</i><hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">Stone is a licensed applicator so I dont think this is going to be an issue.

[gmcarn]

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Scott, what do you mean by "Limited Commercial Maintenance" license?

[gmcarn]

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Lawrence, not telling you what to do but, I would suggest you not tell a potential account to call you. Nine times out of ten, they don't return the call. I would end the letter by saying that you will telephone him in the near future to discuss the possibilities at his convience.

[Scott]

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<blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Scott, what do you mean by "Limited Commercial Maintenance" license?<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></font id="quote">
I was referring to a pesticide license and these rules may only apply to us here in Florida. If this is the only license you have, the only thing you can apply chemicals to are; bushes, trees, garden plants, but not turf. The only thing you can put on turf if you don't hold any license is straight fertilizer. It's kinda funny how they set these licenses up.

If you're employeed by say a hospital/condo/or some other large facility, you as the in-house LCO will be sent to class, and you'll get a "Private Applicator's" license. Which means you can put down any chemical on any surface just as long as it's on the company's property. The private applicator's license is not good for any other property.

In order to put pesticides down on turf we'd need a "Pest Control" license, like orkin, terminex, or Douglas pest control.

This page might help answer some of your questions.
http://bobkesslerceu.com/

once again this is for the state of Florida and may not apply anywhere else.

[Ken2]

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Scott check this post out and let me know if youre interested http://www.lawnservicing.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=988 . Thanks for the website on CEU's in Florida, very helpful.

Kutn: I liked your letter, very professional. 2Thumbsup

Ken


Wherever ya go.........there ya are